Staying at Home

I always planned to be a "stay-at-home-mom" but have only recently begun coming to terms with idea of actually remaining in the house. I always imagined all sorts of fun activities that we would do together...classes, playgroups and exciting outings. What I didn't anticipate is that I would actually be the one who wanted to get out and do things while my child would usually prefer to stay home.

Of course she usually has fun on our various excursions she has lately begun saying she wants to to stay home instead. Instead of the museum? Instead of La Leche meetings? Instead of simply taking a nice walk outside? Instead of seeing your friends? Yes, yes, yes and yes. Hmmmm.

So I have begun to make the most of our days indoors. I imagine the warmer weather will at least bring more desire to play in the yard but while the cold keeps us cooped up inside I am doing my best to enjoy myself. I am also trying to embrace my new life in the suburbs. Today we took a walk and rather than wish we were back in the city I began to savor the scenery and solitude.

There's a lot to do around here. We can walk to the barn to see the horse or to see the train go through the marsh. We can hike the path in the woods out to the marsh or walk to the river. In Boston we'd be walking to the Library or Starbucks. Not bad places and it was nice to be able to walk to them. But there is something to be said for stopping on our walks to try and find a noisy woodpecker hiding in the trees and for not seeing another person the whole time we are out.

Sugar Mommy

Felt I needed to write something but feeling uninspired. I should be cleaning the kitchen now while daddy gives the little beauty her bath but here I am instead. I also really want to make some oatmeal cookies but probably won't. I have been eating way too many sweet things lately...donuts, munchkins, ice cream, marble loaf from Starbucks and all sorts of unhealthy muffins (which are all muffins not made by me). I finally met with a midwife about having a homebirth and really liked her. We even got to hear the little sucker's heartbeat so now I know for sure that somebody is in there (and for his or her sake I have to lay off the sugar). Oooppps...Daddy just came down and is complaining about the dirty kitchen. So before this entry gets any more boring than it already is...I'll say, "good night."

Where am I?

I am in the middle of my hectic but incredible uneventful life...too busy for this blog...but not too busy to spend time on seriously boring crap like washing dishes and picking up toys. Well..if you walked into my incredibly disgusting home right now you might point out the toys everywhere, the dirty rug and all the dishes strewn about. I try to force myself to step away from the computer more and live in the real world with people and sunlight. But I am always sucked back in.

I put too much pressure on myself to make a blog worthy of reading...but perhaps just writing for it's own sake and for my enjoyment is all that matters. I think I also started to make the focus of my blog too much about knitting and since I haven't knit much lately I didn't have much to say. A wise friend has encouraged me to continue blogging so she can stalk me...she said to make it about whatever I want it to be. So here it is. It's about me...my life..boring, exciting, sad, pathetic, mildly interesting, slightly funny, ironic, pathetic...woops...said that already! Hee hee.

So here I am...today I am about 14 weeks into my impregnated state...slightly in denial still. Very very hungry. Not so tired anymore. Working out again...which often involves dragging 2 year old daughter outside, strapping her into stroller, shoving crackers in her hands and pushing her around the neighborhood...also involves me trying to look pregnant (and not just really thick in the middle) at the gym so all the meatheads understand that I am knocked up and not interested in lame jokes about weight lifting (ok...that happened once...the meatheads aren't so bad). Feeling much better when I get exercise.

On a very sad sad note. My dh's wonderful, funny, sweet, loving, strong, determined but very very sick cousin passed away last Saturday (Feb 11th). She fought Cystic Fibrosis for 21 long years and it finally got it's way. Despite a very successful double lung transplant (and I thought a c/s was tough) last year...and a year of (finally) long, deep breaths...her body realized that those lungs just did not belong to her. She kept getting sick...and she kept fighting back! But this time...after a week or so in a medically induced coma, while her kidney's failed and her nose wouldn't stop bleeding into her mouth and all over her swollen face, and her body convulsed for each shallow breath granted by the machines...her parents had to make the excruitating, unimaginable choice to take her body off the life support. I cannot imagine the agony they must have endured watching her life slip away over the next 15 minutes. There is nothing you can do...no matter how much time, no matter how much you might believe in God or Goddess...or Buddha or Allah or puppy dogs...to prepare you for this good bye. Knowing all along that you'd have to let go someday almost seems to make it even worse.